Why a diagnosis can work against you

Mental illness has always been a stigmatised part of humanity. Ignorance, misunderstanding, bad representation in media... there are plenty of things making things worse for those of us battling a demon in our own minds.

But there are certain disorders that make life even more difficult than others. BPD is one of them.

The stereotype sees those with BPD as manipulative, attention seeking, unstable, unpredictable, overly emotional and impulsive. They always throw tantrums, have crazy mood swings, love you one second and hate you the next. You have to walk on eggshells around them just in case you upset them and they fly off the handle. They can't have stable relationships. They are self destructive, but of course only so someone will pay attention to them.

It's a whole pile of bullcrap.

While some people with BPD exist within the stereotype, the scope of the way in which BPD can be exhibited is quite large when you realise you only need to meet 5 out of 9 criteria. Any illness will not look the same person to person. Similarities occur, but stereotypes can be harmful, and they certainly are for BPD.

In the DSM V, Personality disorders fall under Axis 2. This is meant to differentiate them from other disorders, like mood and psychotic disorders. But what it does, unfortunately, is put you in a box where the immediate response to asking for help is to fend you off and not to give you attention, because you are likely being manipulative, impulsive and attention seeking.

I've been asking for help lately. I've been fighting tooth and nail to get it and I'm being fended off. The last time I asked for the same help, people were happy to make things work so I could get the help. Now that I'm Axis 2, I'm being pushed away.

If you're sick, and you ask for help, you should be given it. That should be how it works. When people don't believe you, you start to doubt your own sanity and ability to recognise when you're unwell. I'm already someone who constantly second guesses their own feelings and thoughts, but now... now it's like I'm standing with a bleeding arm and being told that I'm not really hurt and just looking for attention or being manipulative.

SO THE FUCK WHAT?!?! This behaviour happens for a reason! A need is not being met, disordered behaviour patterns have been created over time, and then people wonder why someone thinks that the best way for people to notice them is to lash out or self destruct or whatever else. That's the thing about a disorder. It's fucking disordered.

I'm so angry and hurt and paranoid and tired and scared and I don't even trust my own mind anymore.

:(